Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Paradise

Welcome to my paradise! I call this a paradise because I spend my most productive hours of the day here. Get ready to take a tour of this wonderful facility.

How are you reaching this paradise? Are you driving down or taking an auto-rickshaw? You are safe if you are coming by an auto, as you don’t have to wreck your brain to find a parking place. Thank your stars if you find an empty parking spot. Otherwise, you’ll at least have to do three rounds of the entire facility to find one. You will be welcomed into the facility by a bunch of stray dogs. If you happened to carry your lunch box, Oh boy! They won’t leave you till you reach the main door. Once you reach the door, they will stop right there as the management hasn’t issued them the access cards. Now swipe the card and get into my work area. If you are a girl who is flaunting a pair of stilettos, beware! You might sprain your ankle or you may trip and fall flat on the ground. Walk carefully looking out for the flat surface.

Do you want to have a glass of water? Well let me take you to our wonderful pantry. We also serve hot water, coffee, tea and milk. Choose which one do you want? Oh looks like there is no water, let me inform the facility and that may take another thirty minutes. Mean while would you like to have a cup of hot coffee? Let me make it for you! I need to find one “clean cup” without any stains first. Here you go with the coffee. Sorry if your coffee is cold, we don’t have hot milk in the vending machine. Now that you finished drinking your coffee, do you want to freshen up in the restroom?

Oh you got to wait for some time, looks like there is already a queue. Yes, we have only two rest rooms on the floor. Let me tell you before you go inside; don’t be surprised if you see stains on the toilet seat or if the previous person hasn’t flushed. Please wipe it yourself, flush and use the rest room. We believe in self-service and management has forgotten to add “Bathroom etiquettes” session in the Induction program. We have also recommended the management to hire employees if and only they clear the Potty training test. Don’t panic if you hear a drilling sound coming out of your commode. It’s pretty normal. Also, if you hear a noise when you flush that sounds like a fart, you won’t be embarrassed when you step out of the restroom. We all know it’s not your stomach which just growled.

Do you want to login and check your emails? If so, let me help you to get the access. Oh by the way, it takes at least twenty minutes to login to the computer and then to get connected another ten minutes. You can easily take a quick nap!

It’s time for your lunch, lets head towards the cafeteria. If you can’t run with your stilettos, hold them in the hand and run. If you are late the food is over in the counter. If you are lucky enough and can find food in one of the counter, I am pretty sure you won’t find the place to sit. You’ll have to stand behind the ones who are sitting, look at their empty plates and stare them until they move out.

No comments:

Post a Comment